In case you missed it
Bringing you the fake news, a few days late, like only we can.
* * * * * * *
The Daily Show with Jon Stewart
OLD MONEY
With his second term about to begin, President Bush has a few top priorities. Number one: learn to play harmonica. Then... get a Gmail account. And after that... foosball table in the Oval Office. But then after that... fix Social Security.
President Bush launched a high-profile campaign today to convince Americans and Congress alike that the nation's Social Security program is headed for financial ruin unless sweeping changes are made to the system. Also, freedom will die. He just tags sentences with that now out of habit.
To sell this idea, the president played host to an off-the-cuff, pre-scripted chat with regular, pre-screened folk at a town hall-style forum in the nation's capital designed to convince attendees that Social Security is a problem.
Bush told the crowd, "We've got an expert from the Social Security system that will talk about the problem, and I'm going to talk about the problem. You know, the problem is that some in Congress don't see it as a problem. They just kind of, think that maybe things will be okay." He continued, "And that's a problem."
The president was also joined on stage by Andrew Biggs, the associate commissioner for retirement policy at the Social Security Administration, to put the issue into words ordinary people could understand. He said, "People make an analogy of a ship heading toward an iceberg. And in a sense you can say, 'Well, the crisis happens when the ship hits the iceberg.' But if you think about a big ship, like a big Social Security system, it doesn't turn on a dime." By the way, yes, that statement was a question on your SAT test.
The most controversial element to the president's plan is to allow young people to invest part of their Social Security money in the stock market themselves, and then, if there's any left, to pass that money on to their heirs. And if the market crashes and they lose all their money, then Wal-Mart will have a limitless supply of greeters, so really, the plan is win-win.
The president explained how his plan would help America's African-American population, saying, "The interesting thing, there's a... African-American males die sooner than other males, which means the system is inherently unfair to a certain group of people. And that needs to be fixed." To repeat, the president views the low life expectancy of black men as a reason to privatize Social Security. As for helping them live longer, hey, he's not a miracle worker.
Democrats, however, have taken issue with the president's campaign to reform Social Security, saying Bush is trying to convince people the 70-year-old system is headed for an iceberg when it actually isn't.
Critics point out that in fact, Social Security will be running a "surplus" until 2018. Then again, surpluses have a way of disappearing when this administration's around.
* * * * * * *
The Daily Show with Jon Stewart
OLD MONEY
With his second term about to begin, President Bush has a few top priorities. Number one: learn to play harmonica. Then... get a Gmail account. And after that... foosball table in the Oval Office. But then after that... fix Social Security.
President Bush launched a high-profile campaign today to convince Americans and Congress alike that the nation's Social Security program is headed for financial ruin unless sweeping changes are made to the system. Also, freedom will die. He just tags sentences with that now out of habit.
To sell this idea, the president played host to an off-the-cuff, pre-scripted chat with regular, pre-screened folk at a town hall-style forum in the nation's capital designed to convince attendees that Social Security is a problem.
Bush told the crowd, "We've got an expert from the Social Security system that will talk about the problem, and I'm going to talk about the problem. You know, the problem is that some in Congress don't see it as a problem. They just kind of, think that maybe things will be okay." He continued, "And that's a problem."
The president was also joined on stage by Andrew Biggs, the associate commissioner for retirement policy at the Social Security Administration, to put the issue into words ordinary people could understand. He said, "People make an analogy of a ship heading toward an iceberg. And in a sense you can say, 'Well, the crisis happens when the ship hits the iceberg.' But if you think about a big ship, like a big Social Security system, it doesn't turn on a dime." By the way, yes, that statement was a question on your SAT test.
The most controversial element to the president's plan is to allow young people to invest part of their Social Security money in the stock market themselves, and then, if there's any left, to pass that money on to their heirs. And if the market crashes and they lose all their money, then Wal-Mart will have a limitless supply of greeters, so really, the plan is win-win.
The president explained how his plan would help America's African-American population, saying, "The interesting thing, there's a... African-American males die sooner than other males, which means the system is inherently unfair to a certain group of people. And that needs to be fixed." To repeat, the president views the low life expectancy of black men as a reason to privatize Social Security. As for helping them live longer, hey, he's not a miracle worker.
Democrats, however, have taken issue with the president's campaign to reform Social Security, saying Bush is trying to convince people the 70-year-old system is headed for an iceberg when it actually isn't.
Critics point out that in fact, Social Security will be running a "surplus" until 2018. Then again, surpluses have a way of disappearing when this administration's around.
posted by Hans Riemer at 6:55 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home